April 08, 2004

Promises, promises...

He called yesterday, the one I can live without. He called and now he wants to work things out, he wants a second chance, and he wants me back. I don't want to go back, but he doesn't understand it as well as I would like. I told him that my trust was broken and that it takes time to heal broken trust and longer to heal a broken heart.

He doesn't want to hear it, he just wants to go back to the way things were, but we can't. I've changed, I'm not the clingy little girl who needed him because he said "serious relationship", and I don't need him. I was at a breaking point when we hung up last night; he kept pushing for the answer he wanted, for the outcome he thinks he needs to survive. I can’t give it to him, I won’t give it to him; he lost any rights he had to my heart when he walked away from me for her.

He blames his actions on his depression, that he couldn't stop her, that he just let it happen because he was too weak to stop her. Bull shit. He is saving face now, still trying to be the victim, still trying to play to play tragic hero. He doesn't care about my happiness; he cares about his own now. He wants to know that at the end of the day someone cares about him, and not because they have to. I'm tired of being that person; I won't go back to being that person.

He made me believe in forever again, not forever forever, but a forever that was long enough for me then. The fact is that I believed in it again. I knew it wasn't a relationship meant for forever, but the fact it he cut it shorter than needed.

I won't let him in again; I won't let him hurt me. I won't revert to the girl I was when I was with him. I won't sit in the backseat when the relationship is supposed to be side-by-side.

It's over, forever.

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