April 25, 2004

Saving me.

I'm trying to save the world from itself, one person at a time. I want it to be a better place, for me, for my children, for everyone else who may or may not deserve it. I want to clean it up in a moral or in a physical sense so that when I die I know my life will have meant something.

It's hard trying to save others who have no idea what they need, but now that I look to it, who am I to save them? I have no right to interfere into their lives and say that they are doing something wrong. It's their life, I have my own I need to be living.

But what if mine isn't worth living? What if I have no purpose except to serve as that boundary to myself? Am I blocking off the rest of my life to serve those around me? Why do I crave the affections of others? Why do I relish in their acceptance? Because we all do.

As much as everyone preaches against the society and their lack of need for it, they each secretly wish to be accepted and in not being accepted they are in reality embraced by others. Not because of their similarities but because of their willingness to step out. Everyone is accepted at someplace in his or her life, you can’t escape it.

And those who don't care about being part of the group? Who scream their individuality? They too have somewhere to creep away to where they are part of a collective, that hurts with them when they hurt, whether they want to admit it or not. Everyone has a net, a place of safety, but some are not willing to admit it to themselves.

No one is ever truly alone, as much as they would like to be. I am not, as easy as it would be.

Thank you for never walking away, for always being there when I needed you the most, even when I pushed you away. Thank you for being the thing that touched my soul, and breathed that spark of life back into it. Thank you for never giving up, even when I begged for the end. You are my spirit's light and my forever. You are poetry and deserve nothing less. The sky I see has never been so blue before.

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