December 02, 2005

If someone was to ask me if my day mattered, I'd say "To someone it will."

I just want to cry because you can't hold me. I want to feel you here beside me with your arms wrapped around me and my head on your chest as we discuss everything. It's that simple.

I appreciate you. Everything you do for me emotionally, physically, materially, intellectually, all the adverbial things you have the capacity to accomplish. I am grateful to have you in my life and I thank whatever powers may be that you are in my life and that more than just being in it that you're mine. You have the means to treat me right, and more than that, the conviction and heart to love me as I am. You talk with me not to me. You support me and let me know that I am doing the right things in life even when it all feels so wrong. You love me. You love me. It's mind-blowing and beautiful.

Little things remind me of you, things that I never noticed entering my bubble of a life before. The way the breeze blows passed me like your breathe on my neck. The jingling of a long set of keys. The way my pillows taunt me with your scent but can't hold me back, so I wrap myself in my blanket and am lost in tears.

Life doesn't carry on as brightly as it did in such close proximity to you. The immutable colors of fall seem somehow silenced. The breeze doesn't smell as sweet or feel as soft on my skin without my arm in yours while we walk. But life carries on as I must and will.

It is my favorite part of the day, telling you how fate finds it fair to treat me. Something that used to be such a mundane thing and was only answered with a "fine" or "okay" has suddenly become a big production. Everyday becomes beautiful or at the very least tolerable. It means so much to me just to be able to do that and to have you care. Thank you.

I'm so lucky, so grateful, so ecstatic. You mean the world to me. Thank you for all you have taught me, are teaching me, will teach me. Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing things with me, the good, the bad, the tasty and the unsavory. For showing me that dreams can come true all you have to do is hope and wait long enough for the truly good things in life.

I love you so muchly.

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