tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62845702011-04-21T22:42:53.036-04:00A look into my life with a hint of sarcasm, and oregano. Introspection with an extrovert's kick. I feel like a cynic trapped in an optimist's mind released in a realist's body.Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.comBlogger1831100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1163272914800086422006-11-11T14:21:00.000-05:002006-11-11T14:21:54.816-05:00

Because you told me not to demean your love for me...Because you told me once that you'd do anything for me...Because there was that single moment in time where I was what you wanted, and you started loving me.And everytime I try not to think about you,it's you, just you and the soundtrack to our love.It's in the way you pull me closer,tug the collar I still can't take offbreath your lust into

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1147921247781799202006-05-17T23:00:00.000-04:002006-10-04T04:36:46.416-04:00

It's 10:20pm and I am bored. I live in a metropolis and can find nothing to do. Ironic, no? I have the DaVinci Code in my room, and I'm reading it. I figure with the movie coming out I owe it to myself to read the book first, especially one that has incurred so much hulabaloo. But I just can't seem to get through it. Let's face it, working in a bookstore, I know how it's going to end, and I like

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1147921173485254592006-05-12T22:58:00.000-04:002006-05-17T23:00:00.840-04:00

Okay, so I had no idea one person could accumulate so much stuff in a single year, it took three hours to move all my stuff out.. granted I was only like 85 percent packed... but still.But, I got it all home and such and it's still.. 85 percent packed.I got a new phone on Saturday with Verizon, and there is a new number involved so if you don't have it, figure out how to get it.This guy came into

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1142721741495850872006-03-18T17:31:00.000-05:002006-03-18T17:42:21.510-05:00

I'm getting back into slam poetry.. I was thinking about doing it at the open mic night this Thursday. The problem is I'm scared. I'm afraid that I get up there and lay down the harder bits and broken pieces of me and that I won't really say anything. I have all these words and I can fit them together to make senteces and string them together to make paragraphs and whole conversations with other

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1137533804273118972006-01-17T16:30:00.000-05:002006-02-09T23:30:39.563-05:00

It's raining outside. It's become a common part of the scenery for me up here, and even in light of everything good that has been happening lately I can't help but think of you.You called Sunday night and I had been drinking. You said that you didn't want to talk to someone who was inebriated. I said fine and we hung up. You called back and tried to have a conversation with someone you didn't

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1136351582869308392006-01-04T00:02:00.000-05:002006-01-04T00:13:02.886-05:00

Have you ever stood in front of a mirror and tried to watch yourself cry? Keeping eye contact becomes a problem and vision is blocked out by lids too heavy with sorrow to stay open.Standing there in a cap not yours with accessories so full of memory that you rip them off, throw them to the floor and collapse with the weight of everything unspoken and unwritten. Or you want to, but you can't move.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1134389514398679112005-12-12T07:02:00.000-05:002005-12-12T07:11:55.110-05:00

Okay, it's finals week, my first one ever. It is offically seven o'clock in the morning and I have a final I have to be at in 3 hours. I am working on a portfolio that I still have about 22 and a half hours worth of work left to do on it. I'm praying I can get it all done or parts are going to suffer. I think that it may be cut down by the fact that I do have outlines for some of the responses to

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1134332953545171412005-12-11T15:11:00.000-05:002005-12-11T15:29:13.620-05:00

I want you to kiss me and never let go. Let's lose ourselves in each other and find comfort that we're together. Don't love me the way that I love you; just love me that's all I ask.I realize now that since the definition of love differs for every person, so do then the ways in which we love. I understand now that the things I expect are not the same you are used to giving and that is okay.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1134120273986139652005-12-09T03:57:00.000-05:002006-01-25T19:36:53.206-05:00

You fell for me because of who I am, and I will continue to be that person, and I am awesome and compatible with you in some large regard because you're with me, right? So I should continue to be myself, right? Good.But I am human. I recognize this mostly because it is the hardest thing about me to miss, I mean I don't really scream "possum" when looked at. Although I think I should start.I am

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1133508920630974212005-12-02T02:04:00.000-05:002005-12-02T02:35:20.673-05:00

I just want to cry because you can't hold me. I want to feel you here beside me with your arms wrapped around me and my head on your chest as we discuss everything. It's that simple. I appreciate you. Everything you do for me emotionally, physically, materially, intellectually, all the adverbial things you have the capacity to accomplish. I am grateful to have you in my life and I thank whatever

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1131378569306400582005-11-07T10:37:00.000-05:002006-12-25T01:58:57.760-05:00

I'm letting it all rip because I can't hold it in any longer.I hate this feeling of lost contentment.I feel blinded.I feel used.I've fallen hard and fast and I'm scared.My mother has to get a second job and its not like she has time for the first one she has.My brother won't find a job so he's living off my parents.My dad still has trouble talking since his stroke and it just makes it anger occur

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1129559414183838592005-10-17T10:06:00.000-04:002005-10-17T14:43:29.956-04:00

I still feel like I don't completely fit here, but the thing is that I can't really go home now either. I don't fit with them anymore. I feel like I'm torn between two worlds and I am left wondering if the feeling of belonging is something we ever truly feel. But not just a short term, "Hey I kind of fit here." I mean the long term "This is my niche." Perhaps it is just that thing that comes

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1127881932544477332005-09-28T00:31:00.000-04:002005-09-28T00:32:12.553-04:00

How you really say "I love you." by lenatheravenName...believe in true love?yesnoI wish I didI wish I didn'tmost definitelynot until someone proved it to meYour hands sayI'm always here even if you have to reach for me.Your eyes sayYou're amazing.Your hugs sayI promise I will try to keep you safe.Your kisses sayI am addicted to you.Your body saysI just want to hold you.Your heart saysTe amo.Quiz

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1126624253638994312005-09-13T11:02:00.000-04:002005-09-13T11:10:53.646-04:00

I'm better and love is grand.That's what I want to tell you. But sitting here I feel as if something is still missing from my life. Perhaps I'm supposed to feel this way, so that I always have something to be working toward. My mother was never a complete person. She has told me so herself and explained that because of her own failings I will never be a complete person. I think that this is crap.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1125717090851941292005-09-02T23:09:00.000-04:002005-09-02T23:11:30.856-04:00

I have kidney stones. It sucks a lot and I currently have a silicon tube shoved up my ureter which just feels like a large misplaced tampon. I am very sore and very out of it but thought this needed to be posted. They are going to be broken up so that they are smaller and I can pass them on Tuesday. I'm going to bed now.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1125499380442021902005-08-31T10:39:00.000-04:002005-08-31T10:43:00.446-04:00

I'm just going to burst with them.I feel like a fizzy and overly carbonated drink, and it's the best I've felt in a very long time.Thank you.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1125286797620074732005-08-28T23:33:00.000-04:002005-08-28T23:39:57.626-04:00

I got what I wanted. I have what I've been waiting for. He is mine and I am his. This is cause for celebration. Well, okay maybe not that extreme, but I'm happy.Look I know that this is going to be hard on me, but I've missed him hardcore since I left and yeah I still miss him but this has replaced a lot of that. I'm all warm and gushy inside. This may not last, I'm not sure if anything really

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1124771812128217982005-08-23T00:30:00.000-04:002005-08-23T00:37:25.793-04:00

I've arrived at college. I'm here. Wow.I was definitely not ready, well I mean, materially I was ready for the apocalypse, but mentally I wasn't fully aware of everything I was getting myself into. I am so just blah and feel overwhelmed, but it’s passing.My roommate doesn’t suck. There are minor points that of course you are going to clash on, but nothing I think I'm going to have to cut a bitch

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1124429788456513482005-08-19T01:22:00.000-04:002005-08-19T01:36:28.463-04:00

It's like the calm before a storm, or maybe like the infinite peace of mind that comes right before you die. I have no idea which is better maybe a mix of both is what it's really like. Maybe it’s like the calm before the next great adventure, yeah I'm sure that's it.They gave me cake. It means a lot that I'll be missed and that they all feel like an extended family for me. I've only known them

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1124088563198062242005-08-15T02:47:00.000-04:002005-08-15T02:49:23.203-04:00

Getting ready to leave is perhaps the hardest part of all of this. Leaving won't be much easier. It's not the way of life I'm going to miss leaving, no most definitely not. It's going to be the people I met this summer who can't come with me.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1122676137221927572005-07-29T18:21:00.001-04:002005-07-31T18:00:37.240-04:00

I'm so tired of being loved as a concept. I feel like I'm only good to someone because of my differences from everything they might know. There is a girl under here. There is a brain, there are thoughts, and there is a soul that yearns for essentially the same things as everyone else. I'm not just a painted face, and I'm definitely not just the Shakespeare that I quote. You won't find the truth

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1122099562719425682005-07-23T02:16:00.001-04:002005-07-31T18:00:25.613-04:00

I'm not handling this well and I know that in the end it's only my opinion that matters. I feel like there are just too many cooks in my kitchen and they are all screaming for me to hear them.I'll get to you just give me time. You all matter to me. You are great problems just give me time to deal with all of you the best way I can.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1120771280768715252005-07-07T17:05:00.001-04:002005-08-28T23:41:38.550-04:00

So I've gone and done the college orientation thing. I didn't get a lot of time with the people I went up there to see but it was good.I met a guy and his name is Matt. I hung out with him until 4 am the night I had to spend there for orientation. He left a shirt he'd been wearing downstairs and when Becca had forgotten something down there and asked me to go get it, I grabbed them both. It was a

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1119853806486410512005-06-27T02:29:00.000-04:002005-06-27T21:52:26.100-04:00

Your #1 Match: ENFPThe InspirerYou love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1119499075209683572005-06-22T23:50:00.000-04:002005-06-27T21:52:14.546-04:00

It isn't fair and you don't give a damn. You don't know him like I do, don't trust him like I used to, you couldn't possibly understand how it is if you've never tried to know.It's been almost three years and you still don't get it. I've waited for you to understand that he is in my life. That he isn't all the things you've made him out to be and that there is a person in there you might like to

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1119154578622570152005-06-19T00:15:00.000-04:002005-06-27T21:52:02.206-04:00

Your Expression Number is 3A natural performer, your destiny lies in writing, speaking, acting, or teaching.Imaginative and unique, you have a natural creative talent in the arts.You're also a natural salesperson. You can easily sell your ideas and yourself.A total optimist, you are enthusiastic about life and living.You are friendly and social - and people are taken by your charm.Your role in

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1119069705876872252005-06-18T00:26:00.000-04:002005-06-18T00:41:45.883-04:00

God reached down His mighty hand to give me a sign, and pimp slapped me for being dumb as shit.I believed in him thinking he had changed, because I wanted hope in the future I had created for us so long ago. But the future I created doesn't exist because it contained a perfect version of Brian. I wanted so much for him to be the man I knew he could be and the thing is, he is fine when nothing is

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1118638224904312012005-06-13T00:30:00.000-04:002005-06-13T21:55:33.643-04:00

I work at Waldenbooks now. It is a very happy thing and you should all be proud. I took over a dollar pay cut to work there too. But it doesn't matter because I'm working more hours... AT A BOOKSTORE!!I graduated on Friday. I never ever have to take classes at a high school again. That, too, is a very happy thought. Should anyone wish to praise me for surviving four years of hell you may do so

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1118507407273893112005-06-11T12:15:00.000-04:002005-06-11T12:32:38.916-04:00

He says he's changed. He says he's a different person and I want to believe him. We've been talking for about a week now and well, he is different from what I've seen. He's wearing color; he's being more optimistic, less controlling, less needy, more open, more truthful, more guyish, less Atlas, less absorbed, less hurt.I want to believe him and I know that is probably a stupid choice, but for so

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1117676128857737862005-06-01T21:31:00.000-04:002005-06-08T19:26:17.816-04:00

It's all wrong now and nothing matters.I finally quit my really shitty job and am hoping to get a good one somewhere else that isn't a grocery store. Wish me luck!He wants to talk. What should I do I'm all freaking out and such and I just... ugh! Life needs to start being simple, like now.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1116815694964935952005-05-22T22:35:00.000-04:002005-05-22T22:34:54.970-04:00

Could you tell me why I miss you? Why suddenly I keep thinking about you over and over to the point where I'm driving myself insane? Is it because you loved me, or at least made me think you did? Is it because you were so constant in my life for so long?I miss you. Come back to me, because I can't come to you. Meet me, feel me, kiss me, hold me, walk with me and dry my tears. It hurts all over

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1116727077265393212005-05-21T21:49:00.000-04:002005-05-21T21:57:57.270-04:00

I can't watch romance movies anymore without aching. I was watching Kate&Leopold and I just lost it. The part where they are out on the balcony just holding each other and talking, made me cry.I can't take it anymore!I look around me at school and I see all these people who have relationships, significant others, and the like and it hurts. It seems to me that as long as you are willing to never

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1116381875840850522005-05-17T22:04:00.000-04:002005-05-26T22:36:29.406-04:00

Why do I wake at night in the overwhelming comfort of darkness aching for you? Why do I long to feel your sweet caress upon my exposed flesh, or your sweet lips taking mine in reverence for everything we share?How is it that I cannot move on from this, that I cannot pull you from my mind, my thoughts, my heart and soul, that I cannot find peace within the turbulence of my rejected heart?I held

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1116212232276327912005-05-15T22:46:00.000-04:002005-05-15T22:57:12.280-04:00

Prom was last night. I went in a group of six people: five girls, one guy. The guy was my date and I felt spiffy. I actually got him to dance with me for the last few slow songs, and he was actually pretty good, which was happy.It amazes me just how many people you can get to dress up really nice, listen to music that under normal circumstances you know they wouldn't agree on, and all just dance

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1116211563920816432005-05-15T22:44:00.000-04:002005-05-15T22:46:03.930-04:00

You scored as Padme Amidala. Padme Amidala81%Anakin Skywalker58%Yoda58%Darth Vader53%R2-D244%Mace Windu42%Clone Trooper42%Obi Wan Kenobi39%C-3PO39%General Grievous39%Chewbacca31%Emperor Palpatine31%Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?created with QuizFarm.com

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1115781340767155452005-05-10T23:14:00.000-04:002005-05-13T16:37:04.160-04:00

Yes, that is correct. As of 2pm today I am liscensed, and that is a happy thing indeed. *Does the "I got my license" dance*And I have school tomorrow. Balls.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1115346745562646352005-05-05T22:19:00.000-04:002005-05-05T22:32:25.670-04:00

I'm sorry that I called.I'm sorry that I told you what I was thinking.I'm sorry I listened to you when you said you cared.I'm sorry I trusted you.I'm sorry for believing you.I'm sorry for believing in you.I'm sorry that all I ever wanted was to be with you.I'm sorry I wanted you in my life.I'm sorry I held you close.I'm sorry we talked all night long.I'm sorry I listened to you breathe when you

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1115083662049851532005-05-02T21:24:00.000-04:002005-05-02T21:27:42.050-04:00

It only takes 10 minutes to feel like a stalker and an ass, and to really freak someone out.In movies that I've watched hundreds of times, I usually fast forward through the really embarrassing parts because I can't handle watching other people do that to themselves.Yeah, life needs a fast forward button like that. Nowish.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1115000853947298752005-05-01T22:25:00.000-04:002005-05-01T22:27:33.946-04:00

A lot more poetry lately. A lot more confusion, a lot more just all around stress.How do I always end up in this kind of place?

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1114636496571350792005-04-27T17:03:00.000-04:002005-04-27T17:17:35.666-04:00

He and I had a long conversation last night about what we both wanted from this, whatever it is and where it was going if anywhere. I ended up making him feel bad and I that was not my intention at all because he feels like he led me on, and that everything I'm feeling is somehow his fault. It's not. I asked him whether or not I should just walk away and if that would just make all this better,

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1114478361373845032005-04-25T20:53:00.000-04:002005-04-25T21:19:21.376-04:00

Sometimes I think he's a dream, ripped forth from all my nightmares to torment me in reality with everything I've ever wanted and still can't have.It's like an addiction with me. I'm trying to concentrate; I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to find peace and my thoughts turn to him. I can't keep doing this to myself.I feel like I am chasing my childhood dream still and that it really is all an

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1114389925433761262005-04-24T20:44:00.000-04:002005-04-24T20:47:52.443-04:00

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Sister Katana of Courteous Debate.Get yours. Does it remind anyone else of Jedi-like aggressive negotiations?

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1114111657445053292005-04-21T15:19:00.000-04:002005-04-21T15:27:37.446-04:00

This is actually a poem I wrote, but I wanted to put it here so someone would actually read it..There was an instant connection.I felt it too.I thought "Wow, she's hot."I'm not hot.It scares me how close I feel to you.How close?I can't get enough of you.Sure you can.Everything is so soft here.Stop making me blush!I'll come and visit you.Promise?You are so precious to me.I am?How could they hurt

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1113877137365802442005-04-18T22:13:00.000-04:002005-04-25T21:22:12.516-04:00

I think I may have gotten him grounded or something. Well I think he and I collectively got him grounded. Of course grounded is usually what happens when you don't go home until 6:30 Sunday morning after leaving your house at 9:30pm on Saturday.*giggles* Nothing happened I swear. *crosses fingers* Okay well, stuff happened but there was no making out with clothes off, that's a plus.. Though I did

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1113795716133463482005-04-17T23:37:00.000-04:002005-04-17T23:41:56.133-04:00

He spoke Hebrew to me. I had no idea it was such a beautiful language.He cried and I was lost. I wanted to take all his pain away and replace it with nothing but affection and love. I wanted to fill his voids with pieces of me. I wanted to make him love me.I am in too deep and it's only been three days.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1113780542182686732005-04-17T19:19:00.000-04:002005-04-17T19:29:02.183-04:00

How do I find myself here, on the brink of everything, and it is all crumbling around me.Dreams of things that will never happen that wrap around me like his arms, as he whispers in my ear that he cares, but is not ready for this. He's telling me that it's too hard, and that I am everything he has been searching for. I trust him and I feel safe listening to his heart. The early morning hours

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1113596551815426292005-04-15T16:16:00.000-04:002005-04-15T16:22:31.816-04:00

Let me know how this is supposed to work. Let your happiness wash over me and let me feel it. Let me know that I am not a part of it and that I never will be. I want the truth from you and I'm tired of waiting for the answers.I can't keep being in your life, and not really be a part of it. It hurts too much to sit next to you and not be able to have you.Maybe the one thing worse than possibly

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1113187537297473432005-04-10T22:44:00.000-04:002005-04-10T22:45:37.300-04:00

You say you want to know me, but I don't think that's true. I think that my dark side is pushing you away and we'll all be better for it. I know that at some point I would've failed us and I would not have been okay with that. I always end up failing everyone in one way or another.So I'm failing and I'm falling, I'm fading and I'm crawling; everything's gonna be all right.You think you know me,

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1112669053621370102005-04-04T22:42:00.000-04:002005-04-04T22:44:13.623-04:00

I found out while I was gone that I received a letter from Western Carolina University and that I had been accepted!!!I'm going to college! I'm going to college! *insert overly large happy dance here*Have a nice day.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1112131088890269072005-03-29T16:03:00.000-05:002005-03-29T16:18:08.900-05:00

I ran away. I am not at home and college is a wonderful place to spend spring break. There always seems to be someone around and jokes to be made all the time. Color me excited. Since there is always someone to be with or talk to or what not, I figure there is no real time to feel sorry for myself or focus on anything other than the moment. It's kinda nice.Brian emailed me the other day. He

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1111373398264566702005-03-20T21:48:00.000-05:002005-03-20T21:49:58.266-05:00

No angst tonight.Give me about 20 minutes, maybe an hour.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1110938176633474902005-03-15T20:53:00.000-05:002005-03-15T20:56:16.633-05:00

If I renounce my American citizenship, move to London, get citizenship there, and pick up one of those swanky British accents can I please, please, PLEASE become a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company?Pretty please?

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1110770541264903892005-03-13T22:20:00.000-05:002005-03-13T22:22:21.266-05:00

My sister has returned to college after coming home for the weekend to be with me when I so desperately did not want to be alone. She is so willing to take care of me and is always such an inspiration.I'm going to put myself out there, if only for a moment, because I have been told and have realized I shut myself off to avoid being hurt. This is for Emi.Please know that anything I say is not

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1110420457142297032005-03-09T21:01:00.000-05:002005-03-09T21:07:37.143-05:00

He's home from the hospital. It was a diabetic stroke due to totally out of control blood sugar levels. I didn't know that could happen.He'll be fine. That's why they let him come home, but it still shook me. He has this little thing where sometimes he can think of a word, and he knows how to say it but when he actually tries to say it, it comes out all wrong. And his hand writing has gotten

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1110251330358518332005-03-07T21:58:00.000-05:002005-03-07T22:08:50.356-05:00

I don't want your pity, or your apologies. I don't want your condolences or your well wishes. You don't know that anything will be all right anymore than I do. And I hate not knowing... especially now.You never really have an idea about the fragility of parents until somethings happens that shakes that faith. They are supposed to always be there. It's just how it is. You can hate them or not even

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1109907036347999742005-03-03T22:21:00.000-05:002005-03-03T22:30:36.350-05:00

I turned in my Senior Exit product. It was grotesque and beautiful. So, now I have like a month and a half to not worry about the presentation. Though I can talk forever so I should be good in that department too.I didn't sleep at all the night and day it was due. Mmm, 40 hours without sleep... tastes like blue, but burns like orange.I am still mostly out of it, or just really in it. Like me,

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1109648005278027872005-02-28T22:29:00.000-05:002005-02-28T22:33:25.280-05:00

I have the product part of my senior exit due Wednesday, and I think I'll have it done by then.. I hope I will.I am quiet and contemplative.I actually went to full church on Sunday. It was good to feel the Spirit again, I might start going more often. We had fun discussing the idea of a good old fashion mormon boy as a husband in Young Women's. There were many laughs.*sigh* Running off to work

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1109647688211786262005-02-28T22:27:00.000-05:002005-02-28T22:28:08.263-05:00

You scored as Fall. You are FALL. You appreciate all that you have, and are willing to share with others. You are a friend in the truest sense of the word, and can easily focus your attention on those who need you, placing yourself on the back burner. You make sure your responsibilites are met before you allow yourself \\\\\\\'free time\\\\\\\'.Fall80%Winter75%Spring70%Summer55%What Season Are

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1109214827084287392005-02-23T22:05:00.000-05:002005-02-23T22:16:02.416-05:00

Okay, so I don't understand the importance of consistant posting, but that's okay I'm posting now and sell, I don't really know what to say...I went up to Western again this weekend and had an absolute blast, as always. Everytime I go up it's like I'm there for a week though it's only a few days and it's just never enough time.Permanent residency should be established up there as soon as possible

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1108429191814385272005-02-14T19:58:00.000-05:002005-02-14T19:59:51.816-05:00

"You're my Honeybunch, SugarplumPumpy-umpy-umpkin, You're my Sweetie PieYou're my Cuppycake, GumdropSnoogums-Boogums, You'rethe Apple of my Eye."I just don't know who you are yet.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1108266626834499052005-02-12T22:45:00.000-05:002005-02-12T22:50:26.836-05:00

It's one of those I-need-a-hug-and-I-hate-people days.I'm tired of being alone and wanting what doesn't want me.It's all too repetitive and it all just seems to suck more than a brand new Hoover vacuum.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1108166646913344812005-02-11T19:01:00.000-05:002005-02-11T19:04:06.913-05:00

In case you were all wondering what happened, here's a link to my poetry blog. I haven't added much lately, but I figured if you wanted to depress yourselves you should go right ahead.Smoldering Flames

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1108164349357910942005-02-11T18:01:00.000-05:002005-02-11T18:26:34.820-05:00

Screw Valentine's Day! Screw Aprhodite and screw Cupid! Screw love!They all want someone else, someone I'm not, someone I can't be, correction, I won't be. They want thin and beautiful, witty and humorous. They want someone inspired who will also take the time to fawn over them. They want someone happy, someone not broken that has not been haphazardly ductaped back together on several occasions.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1107830742683098332005-02-07T21:35:00.000-05:002005-02-07T21:45:42.683-05:00

I've gone and returned. Though as much as it hurts to be gone, I cannot bring myself to wish that I hadn't gone at all. Every moment spent in their company is one more fight I can get through because I know that they are waiting. There is so much in my soul I want to say, but I fear that I am just going to scare myself if I let it out. I know that once it was out there that I could never take it

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1107065052527979632005-01-30T01:43:00.000-05:002005-01-30T01:05:49.973-05:00

And so I wish to throw myself into an overwhelming pit of despair if only to feel. I want to change lives, I want to change my life. I feel like there is so much left to experience that is just out of my reach. There is no longer any safehaven for me anywhere. There is tension in every place, and anger seems all consuming. It is like peace doesn't exist for anyone and that my presence is

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1106965305156178582005-01-28T21:12:00.000-05:002005-10-10T00:23:34.140-04:00

(x) snuck out of the house -- I wanted to see the stars better... (x) gotten lost in your city -- Charlotte's freakin huge! ( ) saw a shooting star.(x) been to any other countries besides the united states -- Canada counts!! ( ) had a serious surgery (x) gone out in public in your pajamas( ) kissed a stranger(x) hugged a stranger -- they were nice..(x) been in a fist fight -- bitch.( ) been

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1106602814911651282005-01-24T16:29:00.000-05:002005-01-25T22:27:00.893-05:00

Maybe it is not so bad to want fictitious passion. Maybe a future that includes ceaseless love that never wavers is not too much to ask for. And maybe, just maybe.. there is someone who can light my fire. I want it so badly. I long for this true love that never slips from my mind. I can taste it like melting chocolate in my mouth. This initial bitterness that overwhelms all feeling will melt

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1106362604576289002005-01-21T21:49:00.000-05:002005-01-21T21:56:44.576-05:00

The candle flames danced across the titanium of the faucet. Steam floated up from the water running into the tub and mingled with the scented candles to fill the bathroom with a thin layer of strawberry vanilla mist. There is something strangely erotic about candle light shining off a bath faucet that is still running water. At least I think so.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1106274385105908152005-01-20T21:17:00.000-05:002005-01-20T21:26:25.106-05:00

I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a failsafe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1106113466202206972005-01-19T01:15:00.000-05:002005-01-19T00:48:43.596-05:00

Someone once told me that you write about what you know. So instead of questioning I'm going to just type out a bunch of "I know" statements. I know that I love to write. I know that God exists. I know that I am His daughter. I know that I want a temple marriage. (for those of you who don't know what it is, ask I'll be more than happy to tell ^_^) I know that I want a family, a big one. I know

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1106082463759027282005-01-18T15:47:00.000-05:002005-01-18T16:07:43.760-05:00

It has always occured to me that I have never been alone in questioning what I question and that basically everyone has these thoughts at some point in their lives, but that thought has never provided the comfort to me that may have come with it for others. I realized that I am not the only one to question my faith. Being raised LDS meant that everyone one was kind of watching me to see if I was

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1105249513190373452005-01-09T01:34:00.000-05:002005-01-16T00:19:35.510-05:00

Okay, so maybe not everything is the same. Maybe I've realized a few things about myself that I needed to know and should've recognized a while back.But I think I realized them now when it would most exemplify my life. I broke up with Tommy. He just.. wasn't enough for me. I need, I want someone real who can discuss the world and all that's in it with me while breaking down into fits of laughter

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1104810945872743072005-01-03T22:49:00.000-05:002005-01-03T22:55:45.873-05:00

A new year means the time for new beginnings, new joys, new sorrows, new experiences. But I find myself caught in a realm of static chaos. I stand here unchanged and unchanging, raw and hiding in the spotlight.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1104140167257859082004-12-27T04:35:00.000-05:002004-12-27T04:37:15.560-05:00

I look at my sister's boyfriend, and her relationship with him, and I can't help but smile. He is her everything and she is his. It is beautiful. Then I think to myself that she deserves this happiness that he has brought her. She hasn't had an easy life and has had to work through a lot to get where she is. She is so strong, and bright.. I'm so happy for her. Then I wonder where I went wrong,

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1104038599721104702004-12-26T01:17:00.000-05:002004-12-26T00:24:29.583-05:00

I wish that I could tell you what was up with me. I wish that I could let you know why it is I have had him on my mind every moment of every day so suddenly. But I can't. I don't have those answers, or else I'd have that solution. He and I, we were supposed to spend forever together, you know? We talked about it, and about our house, our jobs, our kids, all of it. He was my first love. And I

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1103960559184159372004-12-25T02:31:00.000-05:002004-12-25T19:51:09.673-05:00

I suck at being a person. I really do; I just can't handle it. I think it started when I could no longer sit alone in a room and be okay. I think the world sucks and know I'm not alone. So, why don't those of us who want to effect change unite and take a stand. Are we all too scared to see what really happens when the masses fight back? I think that pretty soon we will loose quite a few

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1103824919576344412004-12-23T13:50:00.000-05:002004-12-23T13:01:59.576-05:00

I rewrote the letter to Brian, I wrote it in the way it should have been written. Less apologies and more truth. I mailed it today. I keep hoping for any kind of recogniton from him about what happened. I keep waiting for an email, a phone call, anything, but of course it never comes. It is a naive hope based on the inner workings of a girl still craving the Disney endings. I keep trying to

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1103690998128492282004-12-21T23:39:00.000-05:002004-12-21T23:49:58.126-05:00

I feel like an ass. I said all of that in my last post about purely physical and then go off and have a really nice conversation with him. But I wasn't wrong about what I want, at least not as far as my relationships are concerned. I do keep waiting for Tommy to be Brian. I think on some level I want him to be, because that would mean I never left and everything was good, and Brian and I were

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1103399694227914502004-12-18T14:49:00.000-05:002004-12-18T14:54:54.226-05:00

So now I'm questioning what I want and why I want it. I'm wondering if this great five-year plan I keep telling everyone about is really how I want things or if it's just what I say to get people off my back. I am questioning why in the hell I want to be a teacher. Why would I want to be mistreated, underpaid, politically thrown around as an election ticket, and rarely truly appreciated? It

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1102824300689484562004-12-11T22:52:00.000-05:002004-12-11T23:05:00.690-05:00

Do you know that I"m watching for you? That I sit in the shadows every so often and wait for you to show up? Do you know that I still wait for you to make the first move and that pray that things'll go back to the way they were, only better? I'm sitting waiting for that conformation of life, of your life, to know that you are alive and that you are going on without me. I think that's the

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1102219680559371472004-12-04T23:07:00.000-05:002004-12-04T23:08:00.560-05:00

I'm physically sick, but I'm happy and that's what counts, right? What do you want to know? What do you want to hear about? I want to know what the rest of the world thinks about when the lights go out and the sounds that creep into their minds as night conquers day. I get to teach Concert Band after the Christmas concert. I had to practically beg to do it, but I am torn between teaching

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1101528632421783512004-11-26T22:55:00.000-05:002004-11-26T23:10:32.423-05:00

Flames that are made by the soul; that rise higher and higher until they overtake and consume all that you are. Burning, pining, lustful passion built on the embers of new love. This is what I crave to know, to feel. Lips pressed so urgently together as if trying to melt into one. Searching reverent hands that melt every touch into memory as hearts twist and contort in unity. I want to feel that

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1101174776480691112004-11-22T20:50:00.000-05:002004-11-22T20:52:56.480-05:00

Two days! Two freaking days that don't seem to pass fast enough!

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1100834439237023012004-11-18T22:12:00.000-05:002004-11-18T22:22:13.283-05:00

Well, any hope I had of getting a major/minor part in the musical this year has just gone down the tubes. I had a horrible audition and while I'm hoping to get general cast... I'm still blindly wishing for a more involved role... So I'm sitting here wallowing after not having slept in two days, again. And while I know that I may not be doing so hot theatrically, I am wondering if someone else's

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1100649934729288322004-11-16T18:59:00.000-05:002004-11-16T19:05:34.730-05:00

I hate them. I hate them! I absolutely despise them! But I think that it is the only way for me to find balance right now. So, it is back to the anti-depressant happy me... yay.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1100227177476919012004-11-11T21:30:00.000-05:002004-11-12T22:41:49.033-05:00

If you were to ask me what I want right now, here's how I would respond: Materially: a 40GB iPod the soundtrack to Wicked (has been acquired) a decent car School: to get into college on some type of schloarship In life: to be a teacher to inspire to have a family to know that my life was worth it In my family now: a father that wasn't so angry or stressed a mother that could handle what I

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1099802647378090802004-11-06T23:40:00.000-05:002004-11-06T23:44:07.376-05:00

It's all black and nothingness. There is so much in my life that I should be happy for.. and at moments I am, but that is all they are, moments. It doesn't last. There is very little that does. I know that love lasts, for some people. I know that time is fleeting and that you should live life to the fullest extent, and that a lot of the time I am too afraid to try. I know that my faith follows

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1099540754543673482004-11-03T22:45:00.000-05:002004-11-03T22:59:14.543-05:00

I got my permit, finally. I'm lamenting a graceful defeat. I'm staying off AIM. All because I can't handle a name that doesn't even know I'm there. It's been a month, and I'm trying to go forward to move on. I thought that I had some type of control, some type of grasp on the whole situation, but I see his name pop up and I can't breathe. It was easy when I never saw his name, and I should

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1099190684130817662004-10-30T22:35:00.000-04:002004-10-30T22:44:44.130-04:00

I want you to know that I love you. It's undeniable that I do. And yes, it is the forever kind of love. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you if only you asked. I want you to know, that I think you are perfection. That you are like a flawless diamond, beautiful and worth so much. I want you to know that you are poetry. One of the best poems ever written. That you speak volumes, and revelations

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1098929824051503712004-10-27T21:59:00.000-04:002004-10-30T22:47:00.370-04:00

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth,that love is real" and I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear that your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by? ~ "Clark Gable" by The Postal Service I do. I really do. I write my poetry to find the peace of soul I crave. I reread my

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1098909530558842532004-10-27T16:26:00.000-04:002004-10-27T16:38:50.556-04:00

I entered this DEF poetry contest for my creative writing class, and they can only send three people to the actual competition from each school, and I get to go. There were four of us who tried out and I am one of the three, so its not like it's a big deal. Besides I feel bad for the fourth girl, her poem was awesome. I got my report card today; 3.75, best grades I've had since beginning high

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1098755978431091282004-10-25T21:56:00.000-04:002004-10-25T21:59:38.430-04:00

Read Hamlet. It will overwhelm you, it will make you cry, it will make you feel; it will give back things you didn't know you lost. It is life-changing, and intense, and worth every word. Shakespeare is timeless, and yet, still ahead of the times.

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1098587153527616402004-10-23T21:01:00.000-04:002004-10-24T19:45:25.163-04:00

I hate work, and if it wasn't for the money I'd quit. Okay, it's not a lot of money but it's enough for the gas for my friends who drive, because I don't, and well they do and don't work, well not at jobs anyway; but that's not the point, the point is that I work one day a week for six hours, ONE DAY!; (I feel like God, only reversed and on Saturday.. okay maybe not God, but someone high up

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1098060419797952922004-10-17T20:38:00.000-04:002004-10-17T20:46:59.796-04:00

I have no real passion for anything. I want to write, but others always seem to be able to convey what I am thinking better than I can. The poetry I write seems so childish and rudimentary, and it feels like I'm not really saying anything. The stories I write all end unhappily and feel as if they are over descriptive, yet when I try to change, it just ends badly. I say that I want love, the

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1097717539397837452004-10-13T21:25:00.000-04:002004-10-13T21:34:04.370-04:00

You're coming home tomorrow, and I don't know what to think. I want to see you, I miss you, I need some of your laughter and light. But what happens when you see my darkness? Sure, it's not as bad as it was two days ago, but it's still there. So what do I do? It is one thing to have my mother disappointed with me, it is quite another to see the same thing in your eyes. So I sit and wait. But

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1097525658994458542004-10-11T15:59:00.000-04:002004-10-11T16:14:18.996-04:00

I'm running on caffeine pills and five hours of sleep in three days. I am stressed, freaked out, pissed off, and get to smile for everyone else. * * * I hate school, no wait, I hate my school. I hate my school system; I hate my superintendent who allows this bullshit of a paper to still be forcibly written. I can write a paper, probably better than the fools you pay to write them for you. And

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1097285535940414172004-10-08T21:28:00.000-04:002004-10-08T21:32:15.940-04:00

Yes, my thoughts turn to him when I feel alone. Yes, I still long to hear his voice when the silence closes in around me. Yes, I find myself dialing his number when I pick up the phone, but then remember who's number I was supposed to be dialing and hang up before I push the last digit. Yes, I still love him. You can't walk away from two years without feeling like you've lost something. You can't

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1097201239310290812004-10-07T21:57:00.000-04:002004-10-07T22:07:19.310-04:00

He thinks I lied about us, about my love for him, about there not being anyone else. He called me a lying bitch. Told me that I was going to have to deal with myself for the rest of my life, and with what I was. Then he sends me an email a day later to apologize, and say he won't be talking to me again because it's too hard. It was too hard to reprimand me on hearsay? It was too hard to call me

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1096852315288164232004-10-03T20:41:00.000-04:002004-10-03T21:11:55.286-04:00

I realize that angels are innocent and perfect, beautiful and heavenly. I don't have any of those in spades, so I can't really be an angel. And why should I want to be something I'm not? Plenty of people like me the way I am. (I think.) I now want to be somebody's cheeseburger. Yeah it's silly but hey it works for me. I want someone loves me for me, who loves my buns (hee hee for the double

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6284570.post-1096684647342715952004-10-01T22:20:00.000-04:002004-10-01T22:41:53.286-04:00

I keep expecting to get an email, to get a phone call, something. All I get is silence and it deafens me. I can't breathe, and eating seems a chore. I am not in the most pleasant of dispositions and I feel as if half of my self is missing. Some may say that it has been this way before, that I won't stay true, that this will repeat and I will go back to the way things were. I want to. God, I

Meishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12371974777482841524noreply@blogger.com0